40 weeks !

Quick flash of what went missing into the logs !!

June 2011
So we were married for 3 months now. He still lived in Mumbai and I lived in Bangalore. We kept praying he would be able to move to Bangalore. I knew it was too soon, but I wanted to have a baby desperately. I had been diagnosed with fibroids 3 years back and every gynec I met, convinced me that there was no treatment required, unless I try and fail to conceive. Somehow the fear of being childless was too much to deal with. Though we lived miles apart, I was still hoping we would be successful to make a baby .. I was so desperate that, I used pregnancy kits even after having my menstruation for the month.. Why to neglect that odd 1% of having low hcg ?? A private journal entry copy-pasted below :

I have a bad headache since morning.. I woke up bleeding, and I was lost without any emotions.. I was an expectant mother before I went to bed last night, I woke up at 5 am, feeling blood. I didnt have much time to worry about it, I had to clean and dress and put myself back to sleep. I didnt know if it was a lost pregnancy or realization that a pregnancy never existed. I wish I could cry out aloud. I think, now I know what is, when you feel empty inside.. I didnt want to wake up to a dawn as a single person again. I lived these last few days, accompanied with thoughts about a tiny life within. My Baby, if you were ever there, I am sorry that Mama, didnt take care of you, mama couldnt give you a good place to begin your life. I have been careless, am sorry. I really hoped I would carry you in my arms early next year. I even asked Daddy to choose names for you. I am sad and feel sorry for myself, I will never know if you existed. Something tells me, you were there within, I think if it was meant to lose you, this was the best possible way, than lose you later. I will always remember you, as you were my first ever experience of motherhood. You didnt have to be born to make me feel like one. Will always love you.

July 2012
We planned a trip to the US for December to meet his family in NJ. So we headed off to Chennai for the US Embassy. For me it was another of our weekends together. Mid of July, it was again time for the pregnancy kit. I usually had regular periods, so I tested the kit on the first day of missed period, I desperately waited for the pink line, and finally there was a faint one.. A disappointed me, called hubby on phone and told him that I was worried, I didnt have a healthy pregnancy as there was no dark pink line !! Though I was an electronics and semiconductor engineer by profession, the husband had to re-visit digital electronics and educate me on 2 binary states , its either 0 or 1, there was nothing in between, so a faint 1 meant a '1' , I could have further taught him about strong and weak 0s and 1s which we use in our profession, but decide to wait and do the test after a week. The second test was a strong pink line, and from then, began this never-ending fear of taking care of an extra individual, this time, within me. I had my 6-week gynec appointment and everything was normal.

August 2012
The first gynec I visited in July, suddenly went on vacation and I couldnt wait to postpone the first scan which was due for the 8th week. I was a bit anxious, bcos of the fibroids, so changed the doc and started visiting another gynec. After a long waiting time at the new gynec, I was called in and they sent me for the scan. Luckily I have a private journal entry of this also.

Day 46
I cant recall my first feeling during the scan. The doc showed me the baby's heart beat. For the first time, I sensed motherhood, and unknowingly my hand tried to reach out to the baby. Unfortunately, my new found joy was short-lived when the doc detected fluid in the sac and diagnosed me with sub-chorionic hematoma. The Doc just bluntly announced to me that there are chances of miscarriages and prescribed projesterone injections and tablets. I have been going to the clinic bi-weeekly since then.

Day 58
Today was regular injection appointment. Arun accompanied me. He suddenly brought up the idea to take the scan ahead of the 18th August schedule, so that, he too gets to see the baby. Baby's heartbeat was normal, and there was no more fluid. I am hoping baby was happy to see daddy also this time. Fibroid has grown to 5cms. Just hoping, everything turns out safe.

I never wrote anything much after that. I got very busy after that.

September - October 2011
My brother's marriage was fixed for October 29th. It was an inter-religion long-term love affair, and since we wanted the marriage to be primarily in our religion, we had to do most of the arrangements. Being the only sibling, I took up most of the responsibilities for the arrangement. I guess with all the running around, my little baby would become an event manager one day !!  I successfully entered into the second trimester, though the doc mentioned placenta pervia during one the scans.

November 2011
After my brother's wedding, my mom decided to go for medical checkups and they found a large growth in her gall bladder. To find if it was malignant, they arranged for an open gall bladder surgery at Chennai. With pregnancy and stress, I was advised not to travel and complicate things. Being far away from mom who was undergoing operation, and well-wishers calling me to say nothing would happen to her, I got stressed and ended up having muscular cramps. It was a weekend, and we went and met the doc who suspected shortening of cervix. The doc scared us that if we didnt do a cervical stitch, I could end up having a preterm labor. I had just completed 23 weeks then ! Before I could get a second opinion, I was admitted for an emergency operation and cofined to bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy.

Life changed suddenly, I was not prepared to be a stay-at-home patient, I could not seek the support of my mom who had just undergone an operation. I didnt have much hobbies to pursue other than reading and watching TV. To add to all the frustration, I always had the fear of preterm labor, and worried if my premature child would survive !

December 2011

I met another gynec and sought her advice, I was convinced my cervical stitch was unnecessary, but since there was a stitch in already, I couldnt do anything much than wait to complete 37 weeks .

Jan 2012- March 2012

I have never been so impatient in my life than the last trimester of my pregnancy. I was desperate to meet my little one. I was more bored  to stay @ home all day. I managed to sneak out though for weekend shopping, thanks to my new gynec, who kept re-assuring me that there was nothing majorly wrong. I crossed the 37 week deadline, got the cervical stitch removed also. I expected labor pains any time. Everyday I went to bed, I was hoping I would wake up screaming in pain. But each day I woke up to carry my little baggage all around. I entered week 40 and my gynec told me the baby had not made its descend yet.  I booked my room at the hospital for March 23rd 10:00 pm to be induced. The whole week I ate spicy stuff, only to be end up in toilet instead. On march 23rd night, I re-packed my maternity luggage and headed to the hospital.

A + A = A++

Sorry Livejournal for being away for so long !!!

So it has been a year and I havent updated the part 2 story yet !! A perfect mixed bag for a whole year.. What else one can say when you are expecting your first child ? And I never imagined a more complicated 280 weeks days of pregnancy !!!

And after all suspense, worries, drama, depression I delivered a baby girl on March 24th this year !! And we named her Avika :)

Since both of us had names starting with A, we had decided that the baby's name would start with A too .. The husband had fascination for the name Ava and though I didnt have any dislike, I wanted a bit longer name, and then we bumped onto Avika.. We call her Ava though at home !!

12 weeks of motherhood, I never imagined it would be so stressful !!

The story of A&A - Part 1

Based on public demand, I am unfolding the story of how I met A. Like all the years I have spent searching for Mr Right, 2010 was no different.  As soon as the New Year bounced in, I  paid for online matrimonial memberships and wasted hours of scrolling Internet Pages, only difference being, with growing experience and maturity. I had almost become a Pro, I made a decision not to end up in heart breaks.  The process got slower and more boring, I  had decided not to meet anyone, until I was sure, we stood a chance to make relationships happen. Looking back, I feel it was a good decision, I met only three people the whole year, and Arun was the third one I met, that too only in December, thanks to Mumbai vs Bangalore, we were on a 2 month probation since October'10.

The first person I met in January, was 9 years older than me, my parents shot down the idea. I begged them to allow me to meet this person more, so that I could understand why age plays an important role. With demanding jobs, we met only on Sundays, either for a quick lunch or coffee. February was not bad, in fact I spent the Valentine's day with this guy, because both of us were lonely. We just went together shopping and bought us gifts ourselves, we didnt exchange gifts/roses nor chocolates. In fact, when I got home at 4 pm after a day's shopping, I had to show my parents the credit card receipts to prove that I had bought myself all the gifts and that I was not fooling around under a  Valentine's day drama.

Friends and family were wondering if I had given up on the idea of marriage. While I couldnt make up my mind  if it was right to marry this guy, I at least wanted to know, why/how things woudnt  work between us. And he helped me, when one fine day, he decided to break up, after some silly(according to me silly) difference on opinion about our weekend meeting schedule. May be he thought it was time to move on, as I wasn't making any decision yet. For the first time, I didnt feel my heart breaking. I did feel sad that things wouldnt be the same anymore, there wouldnt be someone to talk to, but then I was relieved that I didnt have to make any decision. I had a new assignment at work, and I got busy working on my Korea travel.

While I got busy at work, I spent the weekends logged into matrimonial sites again. In April, just before my birthday, I bumped into another person, who was everything listed on my partner preferences, and a bonus, someone working in my field. Yay, there was someone who could understand what I work on. Height was always my problem, so before meeting anyone, I made sure, I had scrutinized all his photos multiple times to make sure, he was not shorter than me. So after few days of telephonic screening, we met one fine evening at Casa Del So on Residency road. I think it was one of those sudden April showers at 6 pm, we ended up reaching the place, drenched in rain. It was the perfect romantic beginning I could have ever dream of! He was not very tall, but he had this dark, handsome, sharp eyes and intelligent looks, and with a perfect weather what more could I ask for.

He was a Canadian return NRI, an avid salsa dancer and loves to experiment on good food. I ended up doing all the talking, until I realized, he was done with his dinner and waiting to laugh at me, looking at my full plate !! I was a good sport, so I ate as little as possible and told him, I wasnt that hungry ! Casa Del So has Salsa Nights from 8 pm on Sundays, where many salsa dancers join in there. When he came to know of it, he jumped onto the dance floor, while I sat there watching everyone dance. He was pissed off with few females who refused to dance with him. Most of them were kids from colleges, and preferred to dance with some one their age or liking, unlike him, who was passionate only about the dance movements and not on the partner. So after around 2 hours, when he had enough, we decided to leave the place.Meanwhile, I had 2 hours to myself, wondering and making myself understand that he didn't like me that much, and thats why, even though we met to know each other, he ignored me for 50% of the time.  It was hard to convince myself, bcos deep within, I liked him, so I kept defending his actions in my thoughts. Around 10:15 pm, I told him, I had work on Monday, he joined me and we took separate autos. He didnt bother to ask me, if I reached safe, which was another indication on how less he cared for me, and the following day, I got an email -> "I think you are a good person but not the person I am looking for. We can be friends if thats ok with you" . I had another of those lonely birthdays that year. 

I traveled to Korea in May and I returned with more work. I was in touch with both the guys. We are friends, so we keep inquiring about our matrimonial searches. There were more online rejections from either sides, my memberships were about to expire, my parents started taking control of things, they advertised on classifieds, created more profiles. There was also something funny yet irritating, a guy whom I had talked to and rejected online, was picked up by parents login and accepted for further process, and he wanted to have the last laugh, so forwarded my dad's email to me !! Well, he actually helped me, because, I got to know about the duplicate profiles my parents had, and with all the disgrace/embarrassment  this whole thing brought onto me, I demanded that they handover all profile logins to me, failing which I will sue them that they have misused my pictures and personal details on the internet. My poor parents had enough of me already, so they just gave up all electronic access to matrimonial sites and stuck with the newspapers.

I did meet 2 other people who were based out of the UK. Since I had a valid work visa for UK, I decided to move to UK and then start life and matrimonial search afresh. My online interactions with the UK guys were also minimum, thanks to the timezones, and secondly, since I was planning to relocate, I was focusing more on job searches. For a change, I was scrolling job sites instead of matri sites. And I had no pressure on making a decision, everything seemed like a long term plan, move to UK, settle down, meet new people, and also consider these 2 guys after I reach there. I was open about my plan with them also, and they were fine, and they were not in a hurry either to settle down nor to narrow down their choices.

Occasionally when I got bored with job related emails, I logged onto my matrimonial accounts to take stock of the situation and the market trends. Most of my login attempts convinced me that there were no more choices left for me in this country, and I needed a complete new life to begin everything afresh. The UK plan was progressing all well, I had even started looking for cheap tickets to schedule interviews, until I bumped into his profile on October 4th.Everything in his profile was negative to begin with. He was based at Mumbai since July'10, he has never lived in India before that, the only thing Indian about him is his birth, parents and the 2 years he spent his infancy running around naked in his maternal grandparents home. 18 years of Dubai and 11 years of US, a complete NRI, I didnt want to get into trouble again. But, you can't ignore a 6ft'3" guy just like that, so I decided to send him an email. And his first email was not impressive, he talked about blocking time on his calender and all, so I decided to ignore him. But sometimes, you decide one thing, but you end up doing the other. So I ended up replying to him and ask him for some time on his calender. He said, he had a sore throat, so he couldnt speak on phone, but we could chat on IM. We chatted for a day or two, and he called me up one evening. He had this American accent and with his sore throat, I couldnt grasp what he was speaking. The only thing I remember was trying to keep the conversation short and hang up.

Over the next few days, our chat conversations were about ourselves. I was boasting about my UK plan and co-incidentally he was leaving to the UK for a 2-week business trip in the next 2 days. He was busy packing stuff, and promised me he would call when he gets time waiting in the airport lounge. After my first conversation with him, I hoped he would never call me back, I wished his calender would be full and I dont have to break my head understanding what he says. But he did call me after 2 days when he was at the airport. His sore throat had got better and I could follow him much better. We spoke till 1.30 am, my airtel network dropped down suddenly, and we got disconnected.  By the time, I restarted my phone, his phone was switched off. His sms came in a few seconds later -> "It says you are out of reach, Good Night, I will miss our chats". I didnt know if he was trying to flatter me, but I knew, I was going to miss the chats. I looked at my mobile screen, Oct 12, 1:47 am. I wanted 2 weeks to fly fast, wanted to get back in touch with him, know him better, I kept wondering how many people was he talking to, did he have other options, will he meet some one in the UK, what if he felt I looked different from the pictures I had sent him., there were more and more questions, and answers were fewer.  I suddenly felt a familiar pain within, which I had not felt for a long time, a fear of rejection, a fear of hoping things would go smooth, a fear of wanting him to be all that you hope him to be. I finally understood, when it comes to the heart, no amount of experience helps !! 

.. to be continued..

PS : I didnt expect I will end up writing a long story :(

Resting the hibernation !!

I missed this space of my life. I just realized what a big loss it was not to log my feelings here all these months. Over these 6 months, life has changed a lot, mostly for good, but I feel a big gap, especially staying away from LJ for long. Luckily, I have been tracking friend's pages, so I dont have too much to catch up on.

Sometime last year, on December 4th, I fell in love for the nth time, luckily this time, I never got my heart back. I live on somebody else's who lost his to me. Three months of families processing the matrimony activities, I got married to Arun(A) on March 7th this year. With jobs in 2 cities, his in Mumbai and mine at Bangalore, I never realized how these two months flew by. A and I have made a lot of compromises making this marriage work, one of them being living in distance cities and spending our time tracking and blocking our travel calender to be together. Many people still wonder, why I got married when I could have waited for our jobs to settle. Sometimes, when life shows you good things, it is better not to postpone having them :)

My life at Bangalore hasnt changed much, I still live with my brother, and I fly out at every opportunity to meet A. Though we havent started living as the true husband-wife yet, my life is complete now, A is definitely a  huge bonus to my life, I owe him a lot, my life couldnt have got better than this. All these years of yearning to be someone's, is fulfilled now :)

I turned 30 last month, and this was another significant moment of my life, and I am glad I spent the day with my parents and A at our Chennai home. Shedding all those 20 something tags wasn't very easy, but with new beginnings in life, sometimes it is easy to take up changes all together :) And there are always birthday gifts to pamper and divert your attention, away from thoughts of getting older.

I am not very content at work as before, but I have more things to look forward to, especially looking for Finance/Banking jobs for A in Bangalore. We have got calls from only one company so far and still awaiting feedback on the interviews. Prayers never cease.

Squeezy Control

Some time back my friend R and her hubby were at MK Retail grocery shopping with their daughter Mihika. M.K Retail has this miniature trolley to keep children entertained, and amused with their own world of shopping.  

The parents had a long discussion on which Sauce Bottle to buy,  the 1 kg one with the offer or the 500 gm one. The Dad felt 500 gms was more than enough, as the 1 kg one may expire, the mom felt its always economical to buy stuff on offer. Mihika who was watching all the discussion, picked up the smallest sauce bottle, probably the 200 grams one, and dumped it in her trolley, and justified her selection " I cant lift bigger bottles and pour sauce, if its a smaller one, I can always help myself" !!

I always thought about it and wondered why they didnt make children friendly sauce bottles. I saw this Squeezo sauce bottle at a local grocery shop. Mihika would be delighted to use this. I am not sure, if this is already in the market for a long time.

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A Yummy come back post

I dont know who is stealing my time, its neither with me, nor do I remember investing it anywhere. Life is chaotic, and there are lot of unfinished tasks pending. Facebook is a distraction, and I love Livejournal so much, that I dont want to see my association with livejournal dying away.
A photo-recipe post as a comeback !!

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Irreversible loss

There is nothing as irreversible as death of a closed one. Till now, I have always thought of heart breaks as the worst pain, but I just realized death is a separation in which there is no room for future. My team-mate B came in to work today after a 2 week break after her dad's sudden demise.

Two weeks back on a Thursday morning when I logged in at work at 7.45 am, I got a call from B, who was sobbing on the phone. She kept saying pappa pappa in between sobs. I knew her dad was quite sick for some time, and she has made emergency trips home just recently. But I am inexperienced in handling this, I didnt know what to ask her. So I just asked her if she wanted me to accompany her to the airport atleast. I left a message for the boss and left to the airport immediately. I rushed to Mekri cirlce and luckily got into the same BIAL bus which she had boarded. The moment she saw me getting into the bus, she burst into louder sobs. I was totally clueless on how I am going to handle this. I have never been through this earlier. The only thing, I kept telling myself was that,  the girl sitting near me was just a 24 year old kid, and I had to really be with her during this great loss. I dont know what people speak when they want to console someone on somebody's death. I dont know if external words help a person especially during this loss or does it make them feel worse.

She had to travel to Punjab and it was going to be a long journey for her. So I just started scheduling her travel to Delhi and then to Punjab. We were joined by two other friends from office also, so they manged to get a known taxi guy for her from Delhi. I kept holding her hands  while she spoke few words between her sobs, I only acknowledged her during the conversation and assured her that she will feel much better when she joins her family back home.  I later called her up couple of times after she had reached, and she sounded much better than when I had seen her last. Today she is back in office, meeting colleagues and getting a bit emotional, I dont know if talking helps, I only asked her if she wanted to go out somewhere for a walk.  I am sure time helps.

I always fear the thought of losing my parents someday. Everytime I think of it, I feel positive about the time available for us to be together now. The first time I felt the loss of a near one was that of my aunt( my dad's bro's wife). There was a phone call and I heard my Dad asking when the funeral was, and the only thing I knew was, I am not going to get to see her in my life again. Its over 8 years now, I still miss the person she was in my life, I miss the person she was in her home, the wife my uncle had as his support, the mother she was to my cousins, everything has changed a lot for all of us. Every function, or an event in the house, we always remember her and wonder how it would have been if she was around. I am sure, it changes many things for everybody. But we all move on. We will always miss the people no matter how many years pass by, but we get used to living with their memories. 

My earliest memory of a friend losing her dad was at school when I was in grade5/6. I think her name was Betty, we all knew her dad though. Papachan driver was our school bus driver and we were all very fond of him, he was the most patient, gentlest and happiest person we knew.  We were shocked when we came to know of his sudden demise. I was too young to understand pain, but I knew losing a parent means life is going to change forever. When my parents returned from the funeral, I remember asking mom if Betty was crying a lot. That was the first time, I realized how life can change suddenly for anybody.

Getting back to LJ

The last time, I used the same subject for an LJ update, I really hoped it would be the last time I used it. Of course, I have failed again :) Thanks to facebook, for keeping me occupied when I didnt have anything much to do. However I do read friends updates here, but sadly, only two of my friends ( annietopia  and deponti ) have been regular with their updates. This week has been better, there are couple of posts from other friends also. I have been procrastinating the update for a while now, but for Annie's nudge today. Thanks Annie.

After my Korea Travel in May, where I didnt accomplish anything major to update here, I have been occupied with work. Usually I crib a lot about hectic work, but my adorable Korean team-mate H has an amazing charm,  which gets me glued to work. One of the reasons my departure from Korea was heart-breaking was to leave him behind. I could dedicate a separate post for H.

Mihika turned 4 this year. I usually look forward to her birthday. But the fear of losing the child within her, I wish birthdays come slower hereafter. She is no more a child. She is an individual with her own perspective about everything. Everything is now a pre-calculated thought, action, plan by her. There are times, I search for the innocence within. She has learnt to hide emotions especially when she does not want to display her vulnerability, she no longer jumps/shows excitement when I make sudden appearances. I have to struggle a lot to click a picture, its always an artificial smile these days. I wish kids never grow up :)

Life has become too comfortable these days that I have a fear of losing something. A fear that I am missing something I am unaware of. May be I need a change, of place, of job, of anything I can work on. I am happy and content with work and life in general, but 6 months from now, if I pause and look back, I am sure, I wouldnt like the way my life is taking me ahead now. I hope I can figure out this bit and amend it the right way.

June/July has been eventful otherwise. 2 of my good friends got married. One got married in Shimoga, so we made a quick plan and visit to places around Shimoga. Jog falls was a must-see for a long time. We did some random tours around, and thanks to stick's tour planning, we managed to spend atleast 30 minutes at the wedding, the rest of the time, we were traveling.  The other friend D got married in Bangalore, so I am glad, I made it to the wedding and also managed to take some good pictures of the bride and groom in action.

It might be just a pause phase of my life now, but everything around me is moving fast. There are people who have moved on, shifted jobs, countries, people getting married, expecting babies, babies turning one, two etc, everything seems so fast moving around, I hope I get upto the speed than drift away in an non-existent comfort zone. But yes, its nice to wake up from hibernation. 

About my only weekend in South Korea

Restored from a draft written a week ago

My first weekend and most probably my only weekend in South Korea went nearly event-less. Most of the people who travel to Korea from our company, stay here for atleast a month to three. I was traveling with my boss, our trip was planned for two working weeks, which means there is only one weekend in between the traveling weekends.  Though the customer wants us to stay here longer, the management and policies have a different thought, and also its boss's 7th or 8th trip to this place, so there is no point in asking him to stay back either.

Having heard much about Korea and the absence of English here, I was mentally well prepared to use my observation skills to the maximum. Where there was no English, I had to do with pattern recognition and bookmarking landmarks for routes. I travel to work daily with the boss. The problem started only when it is the weekend. Unlike me, everyone has been to this place earlier, and nobody would be interested to accompany me for a second time. And since most of the Indian junta here stay longer here, they are in no immediate hurry to start exploring places. So I had to make my own weekend plans. I planned Suwon Fort for Saturday and Hans River Cruise for Sunday.

Saturday, post lunch I set out for a long walk towards the Suwon Station. I was told, the Fort and Station were close by. I reached the station and looked around for markets close by hoping to find Namun market. Talking to people, asking for directions wouldnt help here, unless you know to speak and understand Korean. My colleague picked up few Korean phrases the last time she traveled here and when she began using them, she had to give up, bcos responses came in Korean which she couldnt follow. 

Some kids whom I assumed would atleast know few basic words in English, ended up laughing when I asked them few where-how questions about the place. After multiple failed attempts of asking around, I decided to take the bus. I managed to track the routes and bus numbers on few maps there( thanks to my BMTC experience in hand), but nobody could tell me how to get a bus ticket there, I saw everyone use a card to swipe through when they entered the bus. Couldnt find a ticket collector either. I was embarrassed to get into the bus and ask the driver too, what if he too didnt understand English, which would most likely happen. A gal helped me to  get a card for 2500 Korean Won, but she couldnt explain how I could recharge the card ! After lingering around in the bus stand for some time, I decided to walk to Hwaseon Fort. The walk seemed never ending, and there was no sign of the fort near by, though I could see the hills far away. And since I was determined not to use a Taxi service, I started walking back to the Station. I clicked few pictures on the way back to keep me occupied and not feel about my failure. I reached home and after talking to few Indian people during dinner, learned that one has to drop a minimum of 1000 won in the box near the driver and there is no concept of ticket. If you have bus card, the cost is comparatively cheaper.

Sunday I decided not to try Hans river after Saturday's local failure. To reach Hans, I had to take a taxi to the station, then catch a  metro and then taxi again to the destination, it sounds simple, but I wanted to first gain expertise in touring around Suwon before venturing out of the town on my own further. This time, I had got the numbers of the bus I had to take from the place I live. As an additional measure, I got few questions written down in Korean with the help of my Guest House Care taker. I also asked my room mate to show me few pictures of the fort from the direction in which the bus would arrive, so that I could alight at the right bus stop. As I sat in the bus towards my destination, I was expecting my plan to fail for the second time. Sometimes Murphy gives you surprises as well, especially when you expect him to appear suddenly, I had the best time ever in my life exploring the place on my own. After 2 hours of shopping in Namun market which was close by, I rushed towards the hill to climb up to the fort. The path to the fort looked long and tiring, but after putting so much efforts to get there, I just didnt feel like giving up at the foot of the hill :) I also met a friendly English speaking Korean guy who introduced himself to me at the top of the hill, though initially I avoided him, as  I was quite worried about talking to strangers. After spending few minutes with him and his friends ( 4 gals) at the top of the hill, I decided to leave the place. Instead of taking a bus back to the Guest house, I took a bus to the station to test my bus route skills. I returned home feeling accomplished about my Fort visit, though I knew it was so little I did in the only weekend I was there in Korea.

There is always a next time, somewhere and sometime, I tell myself when dreams turn short lived.

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