This weekend, I invested a lot of time talking to a broader set of friends whom I never get to talk to usually and the discussions revolved around the way I badly handle relationships. I do not know why I havent written much about any serious relationships here.. either bcos nothing took off very seriously in the first place except my feelings, or may be I feel embarrassed to write about how low I treat myself to make relationships work and how I never learn from getting hurt repeatedly.
Every relationship requires a lot of hard work from either parties and more of forgiving yet not forgetting. Not forgetting so that you dont hurt the other person again by doing the same mistake again. All this applies after knowing a person well and when you have committed yourself to the relationship.
What I fail to understand is how do you measure how much you can forgive a person when you are just getting to know the person. Every time somebody hurts me, I blame it on the premature going-to-be-a-relationship phase and tend to forgive the person, only to be hurt again. I think I love myself when I am being patient with people without knowing that I am doing more harm to me than any good to myself or the person. I set an impression of being a door mat where one could dust off his frustrations and temper on me. And who knows the person may not be taking me as seriously as I take him or the relationship. May be most of my getting to know people is based on online acquaintances and I shouldnt be reading between the lines, fishing for love or emotions ! Who knows the mistake is on my side, getting emotional with people who are just looking to spend some online time together.
Every person, every relationship is different, but I am angry with myself for not being able to identify the pattern of getting hurt over and over. The only good I can do to myself is by not giving anyone the power to hurt me( which I will be soon forgetting). Rather than getting sad about people not understanding me, I should learn to discard them off my emotional bandwidth ! There is already too much to deal with in life... Respect and treat yourself the best :)
And its good to have friends to talk to. Atleast you know not everyone thinks you are bad :) Thank you my dear friends :)