?

Log in

No account? Create an account
I see, hear, speak....Well, I write here too..
Introspecting failing relationships.. 
7th-Dec-2009 09:22 am
static_wave
This weekend, I invested a lot of time talking to a broader set of friends whom I never get to talk to usually and the discussions revolved around the way I badly handle relationships. I do not know why I havent written much about any serious relationships here.. either bcos nothing took off very seriously in the first place except my feelings, or may be I feel embarrassed to write about how low I treat myself to make relationships work and how I never learn from getting hurt repeatedly.

Every relationship requires a lot of hard work from either parties and more of forgiving yet not forgetting. Not forgetting so that you dont hurt the other person again by doing the same mistake again. All this applies after knowing a person well and when you have committed yourself to the relationship.

What I fail to understand is how do you measure how much you can forgive a person when you are just getting to know the person. Every time somebody hurts me, I blame it on the premature going-to-be-a-relationship phase and tend to forgive the person, only to be hurt again. I think I love myself when I am being patient with people without knowing that I am doing more harm to me than any good to myself or the person. I set an impression of being a door mat where one could dust off his frustrations and temper on me. And who knows the person may not be taking me as seriously as I take him or the relationship. May be most of my getting to know people is based on online acquaintances and I shouldnt be reading between the lines, fishing for love or emotions ! Who knows the mistake is on my side, getting emotional with people who are just looking to spend some online time together.

Every person, every relationship is different, but I am angry with myself for not being able to identify the pattern of getting hurt over and over. The only good I can do to myself is by not giving anyone the power to hurt me( which I will be soon forgetting). Rather than getting sad about people not understanding me, I should learn to discard them off my emotional bandwidth ! There is already too much to deal with in life... Respect and treat yourself the best :)

And its good to have friends to talk to. Atleast you know not everyone thinks you are bad :) Thank you my dear friends :)
Comments 
8th-Dec-2009 12:43 am (UTC) - first steps...
Anonymous
I think it's great that you are taking this first step to acknowledge this is a problem. That takes courage! This will change how you approach things. Next is to figure out where to go next and how to behave differently. Think about what you want from relationships? I think girls (I'm one) have a problem of thinking if we say 'no' to everything people won't like us, but same time it's good, as you say not to be a doormat. If we say no and the other can't try to understand where we are coming from, do they respect us? It all depends on how we want others to see us too..... thanks for sharing that.
8th-Dec-2009 03:27 am (UTC) - Re: first steps...
thanks for sharing your thoughts.. pls send me the link of your blog if you have one, would love to read your pages :) you can send me the link to my gmail id anipin at gmail dot com.
14th-Dec-2009 02:40 pm (UTC)
Relationships sure take a lot of time and understanding and effort...And yes, 'Respect and treat yourself the best' is the way to go! And of course, friends rock!! :)
17th-Dec-2009 11:16 am (UTC)
Can totally relate to that. Just be strong and tell urself over and over again that no body can hurt u. Btw, are u an arian too??
12th-Jan-2010 03:32 am (UTC)
Hmm...I am catching up on F-list now. You might have already come out your turmoil now, however, I would like to give a piece of advice, something that I learned the hard way.

In any relationship one would get hurt in one of these cases: 1) either there was no trust really built as foundation in the beginning 2) or one tends to involve emotionally (in-depth) without realizing if the emotions are being reciprocated 3) or one tends to impress the other party for the fear of losing them.

Trust is important, however trust builds only when emotions form and get reciprocated. And one can show emotions only when one feels secure with that person. And one can feel secure only when one can trust that person. So you see, it is a vicious circle that need to be entered at one's own risk, however when one breaks the circle for any reason, hurt is felt more with the person that ends up taking the brunt of the spokes.

Just be careful and never let your pride and heart get hurt at any cost. No one is worth a glance when they breaking your pride or ripping your heart.
This page was loaded Sep 17th 2019, 9:16 pm GMT.