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I see, hear, speak....Well, I write here too..
Companionable Silence 
27th-Mar-2010 03:01 pm

My friend JKL switched to a dual sim phone to add another sim which would be cheaper to make calls to his interest. And since this dual sim phone doesnt allow parallel calls coming in, his phone is out of reach when he is in call with his interest. So he would never know the calls he is actually missing from the other sim when he is talking to his gal. Out of curiosity when I asked him, how long his calls with his gal usually last, he said these days they dont last that long, its only couple of hours ! phew !!

Now I wouldnt be surprised normally, but as far as I know, the gal hasnt reciprocated his feelings yet, though she knows what his feelings towards her are. Right now, its like she wants his time and company, not him though. So every time, we talk, I end up trying to advise him that he is wasting his time and emotions on this gal. And for a friend like JKL who has been with me through all my heartbreaks, I wouldnt ever want him to go through one. And when I ask him how is it that,  someone saying no to me is different from someone saying no to him, he laughs it off saying "when a man says No, its a NO, but a woman saying No, it means different things" ! Sounds like Phd to me .

Well since their calls last couple of hours, I asked him what does she generally talk about! He says "nothing" .And I was like "what" ? For which he says, when people are in love, they can communicate through silence. And he feels though she has not reciprocated his love yet, her silence is an indication of many things he can understand about her. He also said its called "companionable silence". He also advised me not to google on that stuff, being the non-stop talkative chatterbox I am, I wouldnt really understand what silence is, even if I am in love. Thank You for that.

As of now, Silence would kill me.

28th-Mar-2010 04:27 am (UTC)
"when a man says No, its a NO, but a woman saying No, it means different things" !

Wow, this guy really understands women!!

Enjoyed this post VERY much!
29th-Mar-2010 09:33 am (UTC)
Thank You Deponti. My friend read the comments below and felt only you could understand him so far, so he is looking for sympathy from you heh :)
28th-Mar-2010 01:10 pm (UTC)
Wow... this post is just simply amazing, because it's the first one that I'm coming across that is honest and is a girl's perspective on a guy's feeling! I can write reams on how I totally identify with that guy.. I've been in so many such situations which needless to say went southwards..but I've always believed that it was I who was at fault completely. Your post seems to indicate that such behavior (women wanting a guy's company and time but not necessarily him) is not exactly normal behavior for women (at least you seem to think otherwise and that gives a lot of hope!) but something that should send warning bells ringing..

Since you have been nice enough to share this, I'd like to do my bit for your friend by giving you a guy's perspective on his feelings: He's totally flipped for that girl and he can't even begin to understand that all his feelings can just be flicked off like ash off a cigarette by that girl.. and if that girl does decide to do it, your friend will be out cold for a long time, but then, since you seem really perceptive, I guess you already knew it all.. Try to save your friend.. I know how bad it hurts! Companionable silence=perfumed horseshit.. it might seem exotic but once the perfume wears off, you just have horseshit.
29th-Mar-2010 09:53 am (UTC)
There are different kinds of people on this planet. Some just like the fact there are people around to always love them even though they dont care to return it back. It is very difficult to assume/imagine what the reasons could be. I believe, the best is if people can be honest to each other irrespective of whether it is a yes/no. I have been honest in my relationships, even if it meant, by telling the truth I would lose a person forever.
29th-Mar-2010 04:39 am (UTC)
Interesting, though I disagree with your friend's analysis. I think men came up with the expressions such 'when a girl says no, it means yes(or different things)', to excuse their persistent nature or denial towards "No".

Something like that Tamil expression "Silence means acceptance(yes)"("Mounam Sammatham"). How?!!! From literature to films, it's usually the guys idea of how females are, or should be...rarely a females perception. Females have forever designed their actions and thoughts around the "supposed ideas" about them prevalent in society, ideas spread by men.

Now if that doesn't sound like a feminist...:-) Oh, btw, I enjoyed your post on Mihika's brother. That was a nice surprise. He is adorable.

- kajan
29th-Mar-2010 09:56 am (UTC)
Yes, its very difficult to stereotype people and their actions based on legacy :)
I feel people should be honest about themselves and their feelings when it comes to relationships, rather than with one leg in the water and the other in the shore.
29th-Mar-2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
Interestingly you have put the guy's mind here. Enjoyed the post.

I think you shud be there when your friend falls off the hill and does not find a love nest below waiting for him. It will hurt. It would hurt for anyone in his position. I am sure he will see soon that the girl is not interested.

Very good friend you are, Aneeta!

30th-Mar-2010 10:54 am (UTC)
Thanks A.. I am hoping it will be a happy ending if it turns out I was wrong in guessing :)
21st-Apr-2010 10:38 am (UTC)
"Right now, its like she wants his time and company, not him though..."

I kinda know what you mean. And I think people catch on to only after a while...Girls are more perceptive about these things, but I know there is a lot of scope of hurt either ways..
9th-May-2010 07:20 am (UTC) - An award for you!
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